Mario

Mario was the president of Nintendo, which means he used to call the big shots at the company before they tried to kill him. That's why New Super Mario Bros. U was re-released on the Switch, stupid. He has had maybe 2 games before he fell into obscurity, before he became infamous when it was reported he went to jail for domestic violence against his brother Luigi. His reason for doing this was that his brother had his own mansion and was rich and was good at basketball and got all the bitches, meanwhile he had to fuck a peach or some shit. Because of this, however, people would find out about Mario's 2 games, and see how good they were, so Nintendo disowned Luigi as their mascot, and Mario became the president. Now Nintendo only releases Mario games.

Early Years
Mario was a baby.

Later Early Years
After Mario was born, his twin brother Luigi would be born soon after, and god Luigi is so cool. In fact, Luigi was the first of the two that said "Mama Mia" after being terrified of Baby Mario for being so ugly. He was so ugly that everyone but Luigi died. The end of that story. After everyone died, their dead mother gave birth to one more child, an unnamed brother with a droopy mustache, who would later be given the name Sponge.

Thanks to Luigi's guidance, the brothers were successfully able learn how to walk, talk and breathe thanks again to Luigi thank you man you really didn't need to do that but you did a good job. As a baby Luigi would become the mayor of the city before Mario fucking shot the ex-mayor with a gun, exiling them, and having no place to go other than the Mushroom Kingdom. Luigi found out that the mushrooms in the Mushroom Kingdom can make them grow up to be an adult. However, he knew his brothers weren't ready to grow up, so he sneaked a bite of the mushrooms he had picked, and hid the rest. Next day his twins saw that he had grown so much overnight. Mario didn't want to have to look up to his brother, and wanted to do shit on his own, so at night he found the hidden mushrooms, and to be nice and fair to the rest of the brothers, offered them some mushrooms, and they grew up. Because of this, they were grown up physically, but were still children mentally.

Luigi was shocked and pissed off at the fact that Mario would go behind his back and do this, so he put him on time out in the corner for 5 minutes, and Mario cried. Luigi then said "Don't make me count to 10" and as Luigi was about to make it to 10, Mario walked over to the corner and cried some more.

There was already trouble as they reached the mushroom kingdom's capital city, ironically named Toad Town. the soon-to-be-built castle for the princess to live in was taken over by a big gorilla holding a woman in his arms. Mario saw this and hastily ran towards the scene, yelling "I'll-a save you Lady!". Luigi hadn't noticed that his brother left, and gave chase when he did. When mario got to the area, he was stopped by law enforcement, and was told to go back. Mario responded by telling them that the lady was his girlfriend. They shrugged, and let him go on ahead. When luigi got there, he told them that Mario was his brother, but they didn't believe him, saying the two brothers looked nothing alike. Mario ended up saving the lady, named Pauline, but ended up being charged for destroying the barrels and some of the construction, as he had used hammers to break the barrels, destroy pies and douse flames, and would hit the floor beneath him as he did. The next day, they watched the news covering the story of mario's brave actions. For whatever reason, they omitted any mention of what went down in the Pie Factory. Because of this, people tend think that the Pie Factory was a result of a Mandela Effect.

Later on, they went to the Mushroom Kingdom castle grounds so they can listen to the princesses speech. Sponge had to stay behind, as Sponge would make the whole thing too depressing. Mario fell in love with the princess at first site, as well as with the princesses first and only word at the speech: "Hi!". However, Mario heard her incorrectly, and thought she said:

Dear Mario:

Please come to the

castle. I've baked

a cake for you.

Yours truly--

Princess Toadstool "Peach"

Because of this misinterpretation of the princesses words, Mario ran straight into the castle, slammed his face into multiple paintings 7 times each and broke a stained glass window made in the princesses image, with Mario remarking how the "world in the stained glass window had the best music". What he meant by this is still unknown to this day. He eventually made it to the top to where the princess was, which made her shout for her guards, with Mario being forced to exit the castle afterwards. Luigi was really fucking pissed now, though Mario proceeded to tug on his shirt and asked "Luigi? How come my peepee gets hard when I look at the princess?".

Once they got home, Mario was told that he could no longer go with him to the royal speeches. Mario screamed, cried and broke shit. Luigi yelled at him to go to his room. Mario was afraid, and did as told, as he had never seen Luigi get so mad, much less yell at him that way. The next day, Luigi would go to the royal speech alone, however Mario found a way around it. He turned on the T.V., and surfed the channels to see if he could find the speech being broadcasted. He was able to find it, and heard Peach saying that, because of the infiltration by Mario just the day before, she would take a vacation to Delfino Island. Mario then sneaked on the same plane the princess was on, though he would be caught. Instead of throwing him off of the plane, the princess and her minister decided to have someone already on the island create a huge mess with icky paint like goop, and frame Mario so he get's put in jail. The job would be done by the neighboring kingdom's leader's son, Bowser Jr. Although they did put him in jail, it wasn't before long they decided to let him out to clean up the mess on the island using a water pack he stole from one of the locals, basically doing community service work. Because of this, Mario was free to annoy Peach even further, so she asked Bowser Jr. to kidnap her. Mario would defeat his imposter, but sometime later they would attempt this again and be successful, though Mario followed them with sheer determination.

Meanwhile, Luigi would find a girlfriend on the internet named Daisy, who was also a princess and a friend of Peach. She also had more personality than Peach did...I think...I mean she's sassy I guess? She's loud...I mean everyone on the internet says she has more personality just because she's a tomboy but that's fucking stupid. It's not really better than Peach being a typical girly girl. Anyways, Luigi became the mascot for Nintendo overnight, and although this was a huge accomplishment, he couldn't help but wonder and worry about what happened to Mario, until he saw him being convicted of covering an entire island of graffiti. This set Luigi off like nothing else. At that point he had had enough of Mario, and was ready to kick him out as soon as he came back.

Back with Mario, he eventually found Peach hidden inside of a hot tub with Bowser Jr., and his father, Bowser, inside of a volcano. Mario then fucking killed Bowser and his son, and kidnapped Peach. At this point, the princess had had enough of Mario, and decided to end the vacation right then and there.

When they got back, they put Mario in the septic system of the castle that served as the dungeon known as Hazy Maze Cave. This didn't faze Mario as he had shit himself 2 minutes earlier on the plane. He eventually got out of the dungeon, and although he didn't know it, he had to face Luigi's fucking wrath. As soon as he got home, Luigi yelled louder than before, and was even more red in the face than he was before, but this time Mario wasn't scared. Instead, Mario beat the absolute shit out of his brother, and was later arrested for domestic violence.

Because Luigi couldn't work for Nintendo for some time due to his injuries, Nintendo decided to bail Mario out of jail and become the mascot, and soon enough, the president of Nintendo. Luigi would go through heartbreak, as Daisy dumped Luigi because of his fucked up face now, and went out with the internet chad Waluigi, who made fun of Luigi in any way he can. It wasn't all that bad for Luigi since Sponge would soak up his depression with his mustache.

Sponge would end up never joining Mario or Luigi in their future endeavors as he would make everything too depressing. He would come close to joining them, however, as there is an unused icon in Super Mario 3D world depicting an orange Mario and an orange S, likely what was supposed to be a placeholder for Sponge, but never came to be.

Mario's Hyper Form
Once a full moon is out, Mario will look up at the moon, and say "BING BING WAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" and undergo a transformation, turning into his hyper form. This put fear in Nintendo, which instantly promoted him to being their president. In addition, a Pikachu card was made to appease him further, as shown above.

Mario's Death Day
Nintendo had had enough of Mario as president, as he was too childish to be taken seriously, constantly fell asleep during important meetings, and had been recently making bad decisions for the company, especially the well-known issue of Joycon Drift, where a multitude of car-sized Joycons had gone rogue and challenged people to street races. A CEO of Nintendo decided that the best thing to do for the company was to outright kill Mario. Shigeru Miyamoto himself volunteered to commit the murder, as he was disappointed and started to hate how mario ended up becoming a man-child rather than the adult he had hoped for. It was then decided that Mario would be killed on March 31st, 2021.

It would be hinted through the limited release of Super Mario 3D All-Stars, when the servers would go down for Super Mario 35, Super Mario Maker no longer being purchasable on the Wii U eShop, and the limited release of the Super Mario Bros. Game and Watch. In order to not make Mario suspicious of their plans, they also randomly translated the first Fire Emblem game, and gave it the same limited release date deadline, rather than just upload it to their Nintendo Switch Online Service. in order to not anger mario because of many things having a cutoff date, they ported Super Mario 3D World to the Switch while also adding in Bowser's Fury to the game.

When the day came, Mario was walking towards Nintendo HQ, when he noticed the various CEO's as well as Shigeru Miyamoto at the gate. He told them hello, but was greeted back by Miyamoto cocking a shotgun. Caught completely off guard, Mario started to run, but it was too late, as the trigger was pulled, and mario was seriously wounded. They all left him thinking no one would see him in time before his death, however gamerz128 and Sakuya Izayoi saw it all, safely transported him to a hospital (though not before gamerz freaked out). Through this act, they were able to save mario.

After Mario explained what happened, gamerz decided to let him stay at his house as a way to hide from Nintendo. Mario's family still live in the Mushroom Kingdom, and drop by on occasion to visit their brother. Nintendo continues to make games within the Mario franchise, and continues to be the mascot of the company due to his popularity. As far as anyone at Nintendo is aware, Mario is dead.

Transcript
(Mario humming the Super Mario Bros. theme is heard)

Mario: Hoho! Hello Nintendo!

(Someone cocking a shotgun, assumed to be Miyamoto, can be heard)

Mario: WOAH! AHA-

(A shotgun being fired is heard. A few seconds later, footsteps going further away are heard, likely being Nintendo staff)

gamerz: MARIO!!!

Sakuya: JUMPMAN!!! Wait, who?

gamerz: I'll explain later.

(Footsteps are heard once again, approaching mario)

gamerz: HOLY FUCK SOMEONE DO SOMETHING

Sakuya:...Shut up and let me handle this.

gamerz: lol ok

(No noises are heard until the streets become busy.)